


The Mortifying Ordeal of Caring

by im_fairly_witty



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Established Gavin/RK900, Established Relationship, First therapist visit, Gavin is Getting Better About Emotions, M/M, More swears than I usually write because Gavin is a gremlin who refuses to be fully censored, Soft Gavin Reed, Therapy, and his therapist is supportive, but he’s getting there folks, just some gentle emotions, slowly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28031730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_fairly_witty/pseuds/im_fairly_witty
Summary: Gavin and Nines have been working together for nearly a year now and dating for more than half of it, but the suggestion of moving in together has Gavin anxious about the bad habits he’s only just managed to kick that he fears could come back at any moment.To his own great discomfort he realizes that—unlike most things in his past—he cares too much about his relationship with Nines to just run away from it, leading him to hunt down a real life professional (android) therapist to give it to him straight and tell him once and for all if he’s too messed up to really be good enough for Nines in the long run. (Or if he maybe has a chance at actually becoming a better person.)
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	The Mortifying Ordeal of Caring

“Gavin Reed?” 

Gavin stood up fast enough to wack his leg on the low waiting room coffee table, making him wince.

Luckily the sharp new pain in his shin was easily stuffed down underneath the sheer terror that had been rising in his gut since he’d awoken two hours before his morning alarm and been unable to get back to sleep.

“That’s- Um, that’s me.” He coughed, having to clear his dry throat halfway through the first word. 

Was not being able to speak properly enough of a screw up to justify leaving? He could probably bear the shame of running out of the office now, right?

But the android just smiled warmly and held the door open for him. “Come on in Gavin, I’ve been looking forward to meeting you!”

Gavin teetered on the edge on flight for another instant that felt like an eternity before gritting his teeth, ordering himself to man up, and stiffly walking back into the office with the same care he’d take entering an uncleared area with a reported active shooter on the loose.

But once inside the office he realized it didn’t look much like an office at all. He’d been expecting some clean lined minimalist space with the stereotypical red couch that cartoons had taught him to expect, but this room instead seemed...cozy.

There was a couch, but it was worn in and brown, not ostentatious slick velvet red. A rolling chair was beside it, presumably for the therapist. On one wall was a collection of drawings scattered with stickers, and against the other wall stood a low bookshelf filled with baskets of toys. 

“You, uh, you get a lot of kids in here?” He asked stiffly, gingerly sitting in the exact middle of the couch on the extreme edge of the cushion.

Beside him on the couch was a small novelty pillow covered with blue and purple sequins which he carefully ignored.

“I do.” The android said, closing the door behind them and taking a seat on the rolling chair, relaxing into it and leaning against one of the arms. “Most of my clients are adults, but many of the more complex situations I work with since the revolution are android children with human parents. Having toys for them helps ease things a bit when we talk, and I’ve found my adult clients don’t mind either.”

“Shit. I didn’t even think about kid androids.” Gavin said, eyes wide as he stared at the shelf. “Fuck, how does that even- uh, sorry about the swearing, I, uh...”

“While we’re here together I don’t want you to worry about censoring yourself.” The android said easily. “If you need to swear in order to best get your thoughts and feelings out, then I want you to swear up a storm. I know this is our first time meeting, and sometimes it can take a few tries to find a therapist that best meets your needs specifically, but while we’re here today I want you to feel as comfortable as possible.”

Right. Like  _ feeling comfortable _ was going to happen.

It suddenly occurred to Gavin that she hadn’t pulled out the large notepad and pen he’d assumed all therapists scribbled away on during meetings.

“Are you recording this?” He blurted out, cheeks turning red as he tried desperately to think if that was an offensive question. “I mean, just, you don’t have a notebook and I know you probably gotta take notes, but if I’m gonna talk I’d rather you didn't record anything, you know? Or like, at least not without me knowing? Sorry if that’s a bad question or whatever, I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing here, I’m sorry.”

“Not a bad question at all, this is a new experience for you, so it would be unfair for either of us to assume you already knew everything.” She said gently. “I don’t record sessions unless I ask the client for permission first. I may make some notes after a session, but I generally prefer to be in the moment so that our conversation can flow more naturally and you feel like you have my full attention.”

“Okay. Yeah, that’s good I guess.” Gavin said, his gaze now trained on the floor.

“So Gavin, what is it you’re hoping to gain from our sessions together?” She asked, watching him. 

At least her gaze somehow didn’t feel intense. That and Gavin had the feeling she would wait as long as he needed to get his words together, which was great since it took nearly two full minutes. 

Usually when he was uncomfortable he could fall back on sharp insults or biting sarcasm to shield him, but he’d promised himself he’d give this an honest try after managing to drag himself in and that meant not resorting to his usual cop-outs.

“I have a boyfriend.” Gavin finally managed to spit out after a mortifyingly long silence of throat clearing. 

“Congratulations.” The therapist said with a smile. “Can you tell me a little bit about him?”

“His name is Nines, we’ve been dating for, uh, seven months now I think? And he’s an android.” Gavin said, palms up and hands open. He found himself impossibly hoping that alone would miraculously explain all his issues to the therapist without him having to wrangle together more words.

“That does explain why you would seek me out as a therapist.” She said, her smile a little wider than it had been so far. “I haven’t had many new lone human clients since the revolution.” 

“I wanted to make sure I got someone who really understood, you know?” Gavin said. “I didn’t want to waste time on some doc who still thinks androids aren't people or some shit. Plus I figure an android would be a better help for me getting better about...certain stuff than a human would. Better perspective on things, you know?”

“What model is Nines?” The therapist asked, nodding. “That’s always an important bit of context for me.”

“An RK900.” Gavin said, clearing his throat and finding himself watching the therapist’s LED, which indeed flickered yellow before she got it under control.

“I’ve never had the chance to meet someone who’s that model before.” She said, her eyes a bit wide.

“He’s the only one out right now, his series got put on hold after, you know, everything.” Gavin said, waving a hand vaguely. It felt much easier to talk about Nines instead of himself. “They released him to our precinct as a prototype since we were the ones who tested the first RK800 too, Connor. You’ve probably heard of Connor actually, he was all over the news during, you know...” 

Another vague hand wave. 

“Anyway, I got assigned Nines as my partner—I’m a detective by the way—which I’m pretty sure was because my boss hates me, and Nines and I hated each other too for like a month or something, but then we started not hating each other so much, and he’s really amazing actually, and you wouldn’t really think he’s caring since he looks so fucking scary when you first see him, and he can rip the door off a car door like no problem and everything too.”

He could feel himself starting to ramble out of sheer nerves, but found himself unable to stop now that the words had finally started.

“But he’s actually really caring and sweet and looks out for me without making me feel like it’s a problem? And right before we started dating he found this kitten in a rain gutter and took it in and we started teaming up to take care of it and whatever cause I’ve already got two cats. And anyway we’re dating now and I’ve never dated someone I care about this much before, and I feel like I’m always about to fuck it up, and the other day we were talking about maybe moving in together which I know sounds kinda fast but it feels right for us, and it sounded awesome when we were talking about it, but then afterward I started feeling like shit about it, and I’ve never really been good for anyone ever and I’ve got so many issues and I just don’t know how I can possibly be good enough for him long term, you know?”

Gavin rubbed his arm as he forced his ramble to an end, his panic having risen slightly the longer he went, sure the android was going to cut him off any second.

But instead she just nodded, eyebrows raised, but seeming understanding. “Sounds like you’ve really got a lot on your mind, Gavin.”

“Yeah.” He said weakly.

“Well first of all, thank you for sharing this with me.” She said very sincerely. “It sounds like you’re doing a lot of soul searching and feeling vulnerable right now, and I’m glad you trust me enough to share.”

“Well, I mean it’s your job, right?” Gavin shrugged, feeling somehow embarrassed at being  _ thanked _ for spilling his guts. “If I’m working a case I want all the evidence I can get so I can solve it, I figure it’s the same for you and I’d be an idiot if I tried to keep it back, right? Be a waste of my money not to help you do your job right.”

She chuckled. “That’s definitely one way to look at it, though often most of what I do involves helping people solve the puzzle themself.”

Well that sounded like bullshit to Gavin, she wasn’t even going to fix his problems for him?

“So,” She said. “What I’m hearing is that you are currently in a relationship that you value very much with someone who you feel values you back, and now that you two are coming up on a big relationship milestone you’re starting to have doubts and feel afraid that you aren’t good enough for him? Is that right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Gavin said, not particularly liking hearing it said so plainly, but relieved at least to have communicated it well enough.

“What are some of the reasons that make you doubt yourself?” The therapist asked. “Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it sounds like maybe you’ve got some weaknesses you’re noticing more and wanting to improve if you’ve made the step to come in and see me.”

“Anger issues, rudeness, occasional insubordination.” Gavin said, reciting the most popular topics in his disciplinary file. He scratched the back of his neck, his gaze wandering to the bookshelf.

“And in your personal life?” She asked, clearly seeing through his strategy.

“I don’t know.” Gavin said, hedging as he unconsciously reached for the sequin pillow, fiddling with the edge.

He knew this was probably the part where he was supposed to say  _ well doc, it all started with my dead mom and abusive, alcoholic dad...  _ But despite his earlier claim that he wanted to hand over all the evidence, he found himself suddenly balking.

“I, uh, I don’t really date a lot.” He said, feeling like he was prying the words out of himself. “I’m more of a one night stand kind of guy. I don’t like people thinking I owe them anything.”

He scruffed his fingers through the pillow’s sequins, flipping them from blue to purple and back as he was silent for a long minute, letting his thoughts wrestle themselves out.

“I’m angry a lot.” He finally managed. “Sometimes I try working on it, like when I was in college or when I first joined the force. But then I get tired or forget I guess and I get just as bad again. Or, you know, something happens.”

Like when Hank had slipped into alcoholism after his kid died and Gavin had handled his old friend’s trauma in the worst way possible because of  his _own_ issues.

“Would you say that’s your biggest concern?” The therapist asked, considering him without an ounce of judgement in her gaze. “That you’ll revert to old negative behaviors as your relationship with Nines progresses?” 

“I guess.” Gavin said, starting to scrape all the sequins on the left side of the pillow blue. “I uh.” He cleared his throat. “I think I’m extra worried because...because he’s an android. I was really...not great about androids before we met. He’s the one that helped me get my head on straight about it all, you know? So I guess I’m extra worried about going back to how I was because of that. He deserves better than that, and if it’s a lost cause I’d-”

He ducked his head, coughing and scrubbing at something in his eye.

“I, uh, I guess that’s why I’m here. I wanted to get a professional opinion on if I’m too screwed up or not. If I gotta...gotta let him go or whatever I need to do it before we’re both in too deep. I can’t move in with the guy and realize a week later that it was a mistake, I won’t do that to him. He deserves the best, and if I can be that I want to be, but if not I don’t want to hurt him. You know?”

The therapist watched him quietly with a softly understanding expression, her LED flickering blue.

“Have you talked to Nines about this yet?” She asked. “It seems like you two must have a strong relationship if you’ve already overcome so much together and work together professionally.” 

“God, no, I haven’t.” Gavin shook his head, grimacing. “I mean, well, kinda? I mean, he knows about my issues obviously, and he knows all about my parents and everything. I think maybe he probably knows I’m nervous about moving in together, but he doesn’t know I’m here doing this. I mean, maybe he does, he is the world’s most expensive detective.” He said with a chuckle.

“Is there a reason you haven’t talked about it with him yet?” She asked gently.

Gavin felt himself blush a little, picturing Nines’ unimpressed but still caring expression all too well. “Uh, probably because he’d tell me it’ll be fine, that we’ll work through whatever happens together. And that he’s put up with my shit too long already to let me go so easily now.”

The therapist smiled at that. “It sounds like he’s as dedicated to you are you are to him.”

“I guess, yeah.” Gavin said, looking at the pillow.

“It sounds like your main fear is that you’re afraid that you’ll revert to a past version of yourself that you don’t like very much anymore, but it also sounds like you’ve already made some incredible personal steps recently that already put you far apart from the old Gavin, is that right?”

“Well sure, old me never managed to get himself in to see a shrink, no matter how many people told me to.” Gavin said wryly.

“Precisely. And it sounds like you have something and someone you value enough to really put in the effort to make a change. And most importantly,” Her gaze got a little more serious. “It sounds like you’re changing yourself because you are growing and realizing that you want to be better. Putting the responsibility on your partner to make you better is unhealthy, but working to improve yourself because you’re no longer satisfied with the status quo is admirable. Even just the fact that you would be willing to let him go if you wouldn’t make him happy despite how badly you want it to work out says a lot about your motives.”

“Yeah?” Gavin asked, for some reason feeling a little like he might cry. 

“You’re right in knowing that change isn’t easy, breaking old habits and thought processes takes a lot of hard and consistent work, but genuinely wanting to change is the first and hardest step.” She said with a nod. “The fact that you’re here and willing to put in the work to make it stick is a huge deal Gavin, and if you are willing to put in that work then I have no reason to think that you won’t succeed. It’s never easy and there will sometimes be some setbacks of course, but you’ll have all the resources you need to work through it and succeed.”

“O-okay.” Gavin said, voice stupidly fragile. “That’s good I guess. Yeah. Good. That’s good to hear.”

“I think my first homework assignment for you though will be to talk to Nines about your concerns and be honest about your fears about this big potential change.” She said, her smile almost teasing, but not quite. “It’s normal to feel nervous about important relationship milestones, but it can also be an opportunity for both of you to grow closer and learn about each other. Does that sound fair?”

“Yeah, that’s fair. I can do that.” Gavin said, clearing his throat and pulling out his phone to make a reminder that he definitely didn’t need. “I guess talking about my feelings shouldn’t be that much of a surprise for therapy homework, huh?”

“Perhaps not.” She chuckled. “As for the rest of our time together today, I’d like to learn more about you so that we can start getting to know your old Gavin habits better. That way we can tackle them in the best way possible. For the rest of this session and our next visit I’d like to hear everything you feel comfortable telling me that you think is relevant.” She tilted her head a bit. “That is assuming of course that you choose to continue our visits, otherwise I’d be glad to refer you to some other android therapists you might be interested in visiting.”

“Yeah no, I’m coming back, don’t worry.” Gavin said hurriedly, in that moment realizing that he absolutely would be. “I'm not ditching you for another therapist, otherwise I’d have to do the whole almost crying thing again, right? What’s the point in that?”

“Well I'm happy to hear that, Gavin.” The therapist said warmly.

Gavin realized with a silent groan that he didn’t even remember her name, if he’d ever paid attention in the first place after looking up a nearby well rated android therapist online.

“And don’t hate me for this, but I forgot your name already.” Gavin said, trying to sound as not guilty as possible.

“It’s Amelia.” She said with a smile. “You can call me that or Amy if you like.”

“Amy. I can remember that. Amy.” Gavin said with a nod, forcing the name into his long term memory. “So, uh, where should I start?”

“How about you tell me more about Nines?” Amy suggested. “I’d love to hear more about how the two of you managed to end up together.” 

Gavin grinned. “Now  _ that _ I can talk about for hours.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been wanting to write something for this fandom for aaaaages since DBH is my comfort food video game, so I’m thrilled to have finally managed it. 
> 
> I’ve got another longer unfinished oneshot for Gavin and Nines in my WIP folder that takes place right when they start dating, thus the adopted kitten mention, and I hope to get it finished and posted sometime.


End file.
